way too fast

I had a boo. For about a month. It was really nice. It was nice to be wanted again. I had forgotten what that feels like. Inside I knew it wouldn’t last. Usually when things are hot and heavy they end quickly. The past week was pretty stressful. We had a disagreement, more like a misunderstanding. His feelings got hurt and he decided not to talk to me for a day. That day gave me the opportunity to see things clearly. Clearly enough to know things were moving too fast, that we really don’t know each other well, and that just because someone really cares about me and sees a future with me doesn’t mean I’m obligated to go along with it. He has a lot of qualities that I want in a partner, but there are other things that I think are critical that he just doesn’t have. So this past week felt different and he was sensing it. I told him we needed to take a step back. That was the easiest way to admit I wanted out. He wasn’t giving up so easily. We hadn’t seen each other all week and that was really my doing. I was avoiding the inevitable. We finally saw each other tonight. And he was really thinking we were fine. It just didn’t make sense to me. Then he asked what I wanted to do. I felt like I was living an episode of the Bachelor and saying “it’s not you, it’s me.” So lame and hurtful. I didn’t know I’d feel this bad about it. But I’m also feeling so much relief. You can’t force a feeling otherwise it just blows up in your face.